Raised voices, slammed doors and stereo’s turned up to full volume. Does this sound familiar? The Bridge Mediation Service works with young people and families who are experiencing difficulties at home and/or with their relationship. The most common issues that people want to sort out include arguments at home, untidy bedrooms, loud music, communication between family members, house rules, household chores and relationships with step parents, siblings and step siblings. Mediation can be highly effective with these behavioural issues and can also impact on feelings that are more difficult to define such as respect, trust and the atmosphere at home.
Mediation is also commonly used to resolve neighbour disputes including noise, boundary issues, high hedges disputes, parking, children’s behaviour, pets, rubbish etc. The Bridge is currently funded to work with families but we will take on neighbour cases when we have the capacity to do so.
About mediation
What happens in mediation?
What does the mediator do?
Who does The Bridge Mediation Service work with?
Young people and families
Neighbour disputes
High hedges complaints
Contact the Mediation Service
Get involved
Comments from service users
Outcomes for young people and families
“Mediation turns a two sided fight to the death into a three way search for an agreement”
-De
Bono
Mediation is recognised as an effective means of resolving problems between
people. An impartial third party (the mediator) will help the people in dispute
to find a resolution that is acceptable to all involved. In 2004-5 Mediation UK
report that over 42,000 people were involved mediation. Around 70% of cases that
resulted in a joint or shuttle meeting achieved full or partial agreement.
Mediation is based on some key principles:
A focus on the future, moving away from thinking about what has happened and apportioning blame towards looking forward – including rebuilding relationships and putting in place structures that enable everyone to move on
Providing an opportunity for people to take a step back from the situation and think about what they could do to put things right
That the process should be collaborative, based on everyone working together to achieve a mutually acceptable, win/win resolution
That ideas for moving the situation forward should come from the disputants themselves, thereby fostering responsibility and commitment from those involved to achieve a resolution
This approach is quite different to the sanctions that can be imposed upon people when a higher authority (such as the council, the police or the courts) are brought in. Mediation is an excellent preventative tool and can be carried out and completed quickly, thereby stopping problems from becoming worse.
What happens in mediation? [top]
Mediation is a flexible process that can be used in many different situations. Here is an idea of what happens in most cases:
Step 1: When one person asks for mediation or is referred to the service the mediator will contact them to make an appointment and answer any questions they might have. The mediator will see you on your own at first and talk to you about what has happened to cause the problem, what you want things to be like from now on and what your ideas for getting to that point are. With the exception of serious criminal activity or abuse, everything discussed in the meeting is private and confidential.
Sometimes, mostly in family cases, the mediator only ever works with one person. The mediator can offer support, talking things through with the young person or parent and helping them to get things into perspective. Together, we can look at what things work well now, what you might do differently in the future, how your actions affect others and how their actions impact on you. Doing this can help you to think about what is realistic to expect from others, clarify what you want things to be like in the future and plan how to get there.
Step 2: If you choose, the mediator will then contact the other person/people involved to arrange a similar visit with them
Step 3: If everyone agrees, the mediator will arrange a joint meeting in a place where everyone feels comfortable. The mediator will start by explaining what will happen in the meeting and agreeing some ground rules. Everyone will have the opportunity to talk about the problem as it affects them. The mediators will try to make sure that everyone understands what has been said, and allow them to respond. They will then help everyone to identify what the important issues are and work together to explore how to move forward on them in a way that meets everyone’s needs. In this way everyone works together to build an agreement which is usually written down and signed by both parties and the mediator. The agreement is not legally binding but depends on the goodwill of the people involved.
Indirect or shuttle mediation
If people want to pursue mediation but don’t want to have a joint meeting the mediator can arrange a shuttle or indirect mediation. Instead of a joint meeting the mediator listens to each party separately and carries messages between them. The outcomes are exactly the same as in direct mediation.
What does the mediator do? [top]
Mediators are trained people from within the local community who are committed to giving people the tools to sort out disputes themselves
Mediators act as an impartial third party – they will not make judgements or take sides. Neither will they give advice or tell people what they should do
Instead, mediators will help you to communicate effectively with the other people involved. They do this by working with people to identify their needs, clarify the issues involved, explore possible solutions and enable people to negotiate and build their own agreements
Who does The Bridge Mediation Service work with? [top]
The Bridge Mediation Service works with families and neighbours who are in dispute. The Bridge is independent from Charnwood Borough Council but works closely alongside them to develop quality services and housing options for people in the borough. Mediation is an integral part of several of the council’s strategies including the Homelessness Strategy and the Anti-Social Behaviour Strategy.
Young people and their families [top]
The service has been developed with the principal aim of working with families to reduce homelessness amongst young people who leave home in a crisis. Mediation can be used to help young homeless people and their families in many ways. It can help families to reconcile their differences to the extent that the teenager is able to return home. This could be either permanent or temporary, in which case the move to alternative accommodation can be planned rather than happening in a crisis situation. Family support can be crucial in helping a young person to access and maintain a tenancy. The aim of mediation is to improve relationships and communication, so it can play an important part in ensuring that family support is available. Sometimes it can flag up other accommodation options for the young person such as staying with extended family or friends. Even if the family feel that the relationship is beyond repair, mediation can still help to reduce conflict.
Mediation is a tool that is at the forefront of dealing with housing issues of all kinds. Between 2004 and 2005, over 40,000 people in the UK used mediation to help them to resolve disputes with their neighbour. Since we began taking referrals we have also experienced a high demand for work with conflicts between neighbours. We recognise that calling in the authorities or going to court can take a long time, may cost a lot of money and can make the problem worse. Our aim is to respond as quickly as possible and where possible mediation is free of charge to the people using the service. Conflict between neighbours also has far reaching consequences ranging from emotional distress to the threat of eviction, which in turn can lead to homelessness. Disputes can cover a wide range of issues including noise, anti-social behaviour, pets, parking, boundary problems or verbal abuse. At this time the service is experiencing such a high demand for work with families that we are unfortunately unable to take referrals for neighbour disputes.
Part 8 of the Anti-Social Behaviour Act 2003 enables neighbours to make a complaint about a hedge to their Local Authority. The Council will charge to take the complaint. They will also advise you that making a complaint should be a last resort if you really can’t agree a solution with your neighbour. They can refuse to intervene if they think you haven’t done everything you reasonably can to settle your dispute. The Council will often recommend that you contact your local mediation service before they will accept a complaint. We are happy to take enquiries from anyone involved in a hedge dispute.
The main differences between
using mediation and making a complaint to the Council are:
Mediation The Council
An impartial third party who listens to each persons point of view Investigate
the complaint
Help people negotiate a solution that is in the best interests of everyone
involved Decide what action should be taken
The people involved agree what needs to be done, who will do it and when it will
happen Charge you to get a contractor to carry out the necessary work on a
recurring basis
Mediation is often the best option when:
• Maintaining a relationship with the other person is important
• You live in the same place or for some other reason can’t avoid the conflict
• You have tried to resolve things yourself but you doubt your ability to do so
• It is in both your interests to sort things out
• You want to reduce the stress caused by difficulties with other people
Contact the Mediation Service [top]
For more information, to discuss a dispute or make a referral:
| ) | 01509 260500 |
| 8 | |
| + |
The Bridge Mediation Service The Annex Southfield Road Loughborough LE11 2TS |
Could you become a mediator?
Are you a good listener, someone who is interested in making a positive change in your local community? Mediators can be trained volunteers from local communities – if you have some spare time to offer we would like to hear from you. We can have an informal discussion about what is involved. Even if we are not able to offer anything immediately we can keep your details on file so that we can contact you at a later date.
Comments from service users [top]
Good, easy way of resolving problems in a proper manner
I can really see a change in Lisa, that whole aggressive stuff is going – she’s not flying off the handle. She’s open and calmer and receptive to the mediation, it’s definitely doing some good. She’s doing things she’s not really done before like coming in a bit at nights and babysitting. She’s been better with her schoolwork too
The best possible outcome
Listened to both sides and was very helpful
Nothing changed so far
The mediator was very understanding, she took every note down. I made up with the other person and sorted the problems, we can now communicate properly
Since mediation, the relationship is different
Mediation is like my ‘safe zone’
Easy to get an appointment, helped me a lot and explained a lot. The mediator listened well to what I had to say because she always made sure I ask what I needed and because she understand what I said
At first I expected you to tell me what to do but instead you gave me little strategies of how to manage – you made me think of what I could do. I prefer this because I don’t like people telling me what to do
If it hadn’t been for the help from the mediation service, contact between me and my son would have broken down irretrievably. Through mediation we have learnt so much more about each other – things that we didn’t know before
You might feel as though what is happening is quite private – it can be embarrassing to talk to someone else – but you build up trust with the mediator so it doesn’t feel like an intrusion. I would definitely use mediation again
I’ve spent weeks worrying and now I feel like things are moving along at last. It’s been a really worthwhile experience, I just want to say thank you
Charlie found it really useful, she came to me and said that it was her decision to stay at home – which was great considering that when I referred her to you she was adamant that she was going to leave as soon as possible. She obviously responded well to having time to discuss her options because she isn’t someone that will be told what to do
Outcomes for young people and families [top]
Permanent return home
Temporary return home
Young person able to remain at home
Move in with relative/ friend
Move to independent accommodation
Written or verbal agreement reached
Referral to another agency
Letter to family member drafted/ written
Training/ voluntary work accessed
Young person able to access their belongings
Bar from hostel waiting list lifted
Re-establishing positive contact with family
Achieving a greater understanding of themselves and how they relate to each other
Improved understanding within the family
Improved communication within the family
Building positive relationships
Identifying where mistakes have been made and finding own solutions
Fewer arguments
Having more respect for others
Gaining trust
Being able to engage with adults/young people
Less tendency for the young person to run away
Less tendency for the young person to miss school